Lordi - Arockalypse

Lordi....can you get ANY cooler?! I think we all know the answer to that. NO. For those weird people out there who don't know who Lordi are, they're a hard rock band (if you make me explain to you what hard rock is, say goodbye to your head) from Finland. They've released 2 horror movies (which I have yet to see) and are just FUCKING AWESOME. They dress as like monsters to increase awesomeness too. Well this is their newest album which the hit song which won Eurovision 2006, Hard rock Hallelujah, was included. And thus why this album gets even MORE lovin' from me, because they're Christians. Anyway. The vocals are pretty unique form what I know, and they have backing singing vocals, which are sort of weird but work very well. They use a keyboard in all of their songs, which is cool. With Lordi, you know its all cool, seeing as the songs are either AMAZING or a joke. Luckily, they're ALL amazing. Lordi just have the best lyrics known to man, the best verses and the DAM CATCHIEST choruses. Its all just very anthemic and catchy it just might blow you're head off. I'm being very, very serious when I say your head might actually fall off and explode. And so that's probably why the album is liked so much. Still, looking forward to getting some motherfucking LORDI COLA.

Giving this album a 4.5/5 because its just amazing, however on the down side its not the most skilled thing in the world and some of the songs are a bit boring sometimes (I know I should of mentioned that earlier but heck, I WAS ON A ROLL). Should you buy this album? Well....it's not a hugely metal album really, but if you're wanting a bit of a joke, then HELLYEAH

Grailknights - Return to Castle Grailskull

Yes, I know. 'Oh dear, it's another one of those lame, sad old bands that find it arousing to dress up in homoerotic superhero costumes and sing cheesy metal'. You're damn right. And they're fucking amazing.

I was slightly doubtful when I first borrowed this album off Ryan. They're a nearly unheard of German underground battle metal band which sing about glorious death on the battlefield for the sake of their holy grail. I was also kinda creeped out when I heard the strange, croaky old man shouting 'Ohh, my grandmother' in the second track. But if you look past this, you got some really catchy and technical stuff.

To start with, the guitarists are awesome. Instead of basic chord patterns they follow the styles of classic heavy metal bands, but also that of some country/folksy stuff, which sound surprisingly good, like in 'Home At Last', despite its repetitiveness. They also have two anthemic grail-related tracks which keep up the cheesy viking-type theme, 'Hail To The Grail' and 'Return To Castle Grailskull'. They released one single from this album, 'Moonlit Masquerade', and even though the video has the worst CGI in history it is a great track. The 'knights show their prowess in dual guitar riffs with Prevail and good fast paced instrumental breaks in 'Raving Storms'. I think the only slight letdown was 'Fight Until You Die', solely for the reason it isn't very long.

I give this album a 4/5 rating. It would have my 5/5 approval if ALL the songs were as epic as 'Return to Castle Grailskull' and if there just a few more songs. Nonetheless, a good buy, if you can find it, but if you do manage to people will probably call you a weirdo.

Slipknot - All Hope Is Gone

Slipknot have FINALLY returned after about 3 or 4 years of miscombobulations and arguments and side projects (namedly Stone Sour and The Muderdolls) between the famous 9. And i should hope they were dearly missed, becuase i certainly wanted them back! You can only go for so long without the kind of anger Slipknot gives to the listener that no other band can quite provide.

Their new album grimly titled "All Hope Is Gone" is an exeedingly brilliant album that the fans deserve after their prolonged abscence. It lives up to the hype and popularity that it has gained, and then some. The anger is still there, the verses are as brutal as ever, and the choruses are more anthemic and catchy than they have ever been. AND YET they still retained the slow and epic and slightly distorted side that we saw in Vol.3 with songs like Vermillion pt 2. clearly reflected in the occasional song like snuff or the disturbingly evil Gehenna. But whatever you do, DO NOT think that these few slow songs makes this album seem like a complete pussy compared to previous albums. The main songs on the album for me would have to be Vendetta and the incredibly popular Psychosocial. Both blastingout riffs and angry vocals like it was the riff and vocals summer sale. Not to mention the INCREDIBLE choruses thatafter listening to for the 30th time im still not bored of. Not to mention the fast pased title track All Hope Is Gone blasting out right at the end. 

This aside the quality of the music itself is still very impressive. With Joey Jordison giving a strong, solid and complex performance with the drums. Corey, with his vocals at a greater level than ever before, the shouting as angry as ever and the singing as complex and epic as i think he will ever be able to get it. and then the other 7 doing whatever the hell they happen to be doing extremely well!

Overall i give this album 4.5 although i would have loved to give it a 5 (but SOME people here believe that it doesnt deserve to be on the best albums ever list). How wrong they are..

Children of Bodom - Hatebreeder

Ryan is possibly the biggest Bodom fan this world has ever known so you would expect him to be writing this review, but I've seen them and he hasn't so I'm going to no matter what he says.

I give this album a BIG kudos. Not for the usual things: skill in vocals, guitars, drums etc. (though that is indeed present here!). No, this album has something else. Something that few other metal bands have, and fewer still that I would admit bands to having. Genius. This is an album like no other.

Metal, despite the hundreds of sub-genres, is all based on a similar style. Hard n' heavy chords, harsh, angry or epic vocals, drums like an M249 drilling bullets into Nazi skulls. But this is written like it is nothing less than a piece of classical, here comes the word again, genius. Constant melodies overlap background rhythms to the point where your mind seems to reach musical nirvana as you realise that Bodom don't just have a mind of metal, they can think seriously, seriously, clever stuff. A good listen to songs like 'Towards Dead End' and 'Silent Night, Bodom Night' shows this clearly. While they left behind the direct classical reference by using a harpsichord in 'Something Wild', they maintain this image in such a good way.

I can't say more really. Just buy it. I'm giving this album a whole 4 stars, only lacking because Bodom go on to show only more of their genius in their later albums. I'm only half recommending this album, because the other half is just congratulating Children of Bodom.

Skindred - Babylon

 Its good to see something original and new on the metal scene. And this shit is seriously original. it seems to have been dubbed "raggametal" or some kind of reggae, metalcore, nu-metal, hip-hop mutation. But the thing is, it works like a charm. Theres nothing more refreshing than hearing a few chunky metal riffs only to stop dead to let black lead singer Benji rip out a few reggae/rap style vocals at hyper speed only to slam back into action in an epic chorus of a new but effective mix of different cultures styles of music.

Skindred's first album does exactly this, it perfects the bridge between these different genres and makes it its own. Bursting into action with the extremely catchy and anthemic "Nobody" which in itself should be enough to make you addicted to the album. Another favourite of mine is the song "Pressure" is an extremely feel-good song. And im sayin this from someone who usually hates feel-good music. But it manages once more to pull off this completely obscure style to perfection. Its the sort of song you can just imagine chilling on the beach to. Try saying that about most metal songs!!! 

Alright ill have to admit the guitar and drums are seemingly uncomplicated and simple, but in a way that still allows the music to flow and be incredibly catchy at the same time. The vocals make the album for me though. One complaint i would have for this album is it has too many of those crappy intervals that most metal albums have. Like its the norm sometimes for there to be maybe one soft part for 30 seconds to a minuite of an album where it builds up to a song or something... but dont you think 4 of those is a bit much? you get the intro then interlude 1,2 and 3! i mean at least call them something else. Also i think its a bit of a dissappointment when the song the album is named after isnt one of the best on the album...

Overall Skindred's Babylon would get a 4/5 from me. It was extremely impressive from such a new genre to pull somthing off which was so successful. Just....too many intervals and too simple musicianship from the rest of the band. Making singer Benji stand out from the rest maybe a bit more than he should. 

Linkin Park - Minutes to Midnight

I, no doubt, will be flamed for even mentioning this filthy piece of shit on a metal review site. But I simply cannot believe how bands can suddenly change route so vastly that it can make me wish death upon all their puny souls.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm NOT an LP hater. I'm well aware that their albums Hybrid Theory and Meteora made some really good, catchy, and more importantly epoch-defining nu metal, picking up hip-hop and electronic fans along the way with Reanimation. But when M2M was released the only thing I was bothered by before listening to the tracks was the fact that they apeared to have stolen both the name and font from Iron Maiden. Odd...

It was then that I borrowed the album. A day was all it took. With me it takes a while to judge an album, I usually take a lot of listening time to register the vocals, guitar parts etc. With this it was a few hours to realise the pure... shitness that LP had offered us with their new album. Heavy rhythmic riffs are out the window, replaced with pathetic, 'heart breaking' little patterns in the intros of songs. The former 'anger solos' that were in almost every song in the former style have been only used in about two of the tracks. They make a feeble attempt at guitar technicality in 'In Pieces'. They don't realise it could be played by a 4 year old.

Even worse is that this is their last 'metal' album before LP turn fully hip-hop. 'Hammering the final nail into nu-metal's coffin' in the words of Metal Hammer magazine. All they did was give themselves the worse leaving party ever known to man.

I could give this album a 1/5 rating, but I think a definitive 'NO' would be more effective. If you have the album for some reason, do yourself a favour and be like our dear Guy Sindall. Throw it in the bin where it belongs.

Avenged Sevenfold - City Of Evil

Oh Dear. well for anyone who's a fan of avenged sevenfold that doesn't want to hear a negative opinion about them stop reading NOW. That was some what of a terrible 40 minutes of my life that I never want to repeat, listening to that. I shall start with the good things about the album. it has an aright tune in places, and i guess the instrumentals are quite skilful. Besides that, the vocalist I REALLY don't get. I just don't understand why people like those vocals, it sounds like someone's chopped off his man vegetables and stuffed them into his nostrils. The vocals get so high pitched at some points you wouldn't believe that its considered singing, or even as sum freaks call it, GOOD singing. at those points it sounds more like someone's then decided that after shoving his balls up his nose, it wasn't funny enough, so then had to nail them into his brain. but anyway enough about the lead singers testicles. they also sound like as if maybe they're trying to be....bad ass? Well if they are, they're failing miserably, their guitars so happy its just fucking gay. and you don't get a break from it either.

You could just say I'm a faggot that's "ignorant to Avenged Sevenfold's amazingness" well...maybe you're ignorant to how much they suck? But anyway you might be into that sort of stuff I don't know....but if you're anything like me then stay the fuck away from it....1.5/5 , NOT worth getting, that's all I gotta say really

Converge - You Fail Me

Now I don't care what you say, this album is THE SHIZZLE. (It was good). Converge are a mathcore band, and probably the best one at that. Although the band claim that their music is what hardcore “should” sound like, when actually the morons went and made a whole new genre...the silly turds. Anyway, if you aren't familiar with mathcore, its basically just a more extreme version of hardcore, and if you aren't familiar with hardcore, well...then you can find out yourself, why should I care? Converge have only a few songs with riffs (such as "You Fail Me"), being mathcore and all that, but I'm sure if they did have riffs on all the songs, the riffs would be AWESOME. They make up for it however, by having the coolest bits in their songs EVER, the little guitar and drum solos and all that are just amazing. And then there's the vocals. the vocals are totally unique (as far as I know) and are practically indescribable (one person said it sounded like a dog barking into a distortion microphone. The world these days is filled with stupid people...).

Me and my friend (yes, I have a friend) had an argument once over who was a better vocalist, Mark Hunter (Chimaira) or Jacob Banner (Converge). (Obviously I was rooting for converge, despite overall liking Chimaira more) and there's not REALLY any proof as to which ones better, so I asked the great Nick Cotton, and it seems Jacob Bannon wins. Hurrah for democracy (?).

Now before I give you advise on whether to buy it or not, I should say something. The majority of metal heads I know say converge are shit, because they "have no tune and are vewwy vewwy boring". WRONG. But anyway you may share that wrong opinion I don't know.

Well I would (and am) going to give the album 4.5/5, because...its good. but its not THAT good, if you get me. Still, and mathcore lovers, GET IT, Converge lovers, GET IT. people looking for some extreme music, GET IT. as for hardcore fans and your average joe metal head (so probably most people reading this) try listening to a few of the songs on the album first., (Go for "Eagles Become Vultures" or "Heartless") and see what you think. and whatever you think, get it anyway.

Deadlock - Wolves

Screw you Cockwaddle, this review is MINE. Deadlock's newest album, Wolves, is , in my opinion, by far the best one. Deadlock are a death metal band with techno influences from Germany. Deadlock tend to have the usual thick guitar sound along with a lot of nifty guitar solos, which is pretty cool, and also they use a keyboard a lot, and in songs like “End Begins” they seem to include some sort of rave bit in the middle of the song much to my dismay, however songs like “Loser's Ballet” have actual piano sounding bits in it, which isn't so bad I guess. Still, this album came as quite a surprise to me, as I didn't expect a female vocalist in the songs. Now I know what you're probably thinking : “Fuck, not a WOMAN”, BUT she is actually an amazing vocalist, even more to my surprise. Luckily the female vocalist doesn't do the vocals ALL the time, mostly just during the choruses, and there are sum brutal vocals during the vocals and stuff, and very good brutal vocals at that. But trust me, the brutal vocals and the female vocals TOTALLY work. (Although I heard that she's SHIT live, however, my friend advised me that ALL singers are shit live. Isn't that nice to know....)

The songs are really well composed as well, so you get like awesome verses AND choruses, which is always a good thing. The band itself is just extremely unique, and really, the only disadvantage to the female vocalist is that if you see a picture of her you'll notice she has MASSIVE EYES. So...no, don't think you're gonna be spending a long time wanking over her. It's just not gonna happen I'm sorry. And don't worry, the whole techno or whatever stuff is barely noticeable and isn't even that bad. Except for the bit in the middle of “End Begins”...that's just atrocious

I reckon this album is worth 5/5, because it's awesome and unique, and genuinely worth buying. However it's hard to say what type of people would like the album because originally I would say death metal fans....but the female vocals might put them off that....I don't know. But just give the album a listen, it'll be worth it (“Code Of Honour” is a good song for that).

Stone Sour - Stone Sour

Ah...This brings back memories. I got this album from my brother on Christmas day when I was 13. Get inside was the first song I listened to on Christmas day, nice and cheery. Also, it was the first album I've ever owned, followed by “Metallica – Master Of The Puppets” Well anyway Corey Taylor (Vocalist from Slipknot) seems to of hit quite a success with his new alternative metal band Stone Sour. If any of you only know songs from their newer album "Come What-Ever May" you might be a bit reluctant from this album seeing as it was a bit of a faggy album, and for that reason made the band more well known. Their first album (This one) however, is a lot heavier. More like slipknot themselves as well, though I've always found it weird how his vocals are different in Stone Sour then in Slipknot. The album is mostly vocal based, not many guitar solos in it, still, its a pretty damn angry album. There's a good mix of clean and harsh vocals in the album, varying between the songs.

There are a lot of strange noises in the album though which is slightly creepy and some what off-putting (the beginning of Blotter and Tumult are good examples). But still, the guitar is still nice and heavy, with the odd exception. Their style is a lot like Slipknot, just less manic and has a few softer songs, whether you prefer that or not I don't know. Their lyrics make a lot more sense then the Slipknot ones did, and generally discuss sociological problems....that's as detailed as I can say really, the lyrics talk about quite different things for each of the songs.

I would give this album 4/5 stars, due to it being pretty solid, not really having any awful songs in it and just being good, despite the weirdness etc. Buying this album is a different story though. If you're not a Slipknot or Nu/ alternative metal fan, it may not appeal to you so much. Still, you should probably check out a few of the songs just in case.

God Forbid - IV (Constitution of Treason)

I don't think that the old God Forbid records did the New Jersey thrash metal band any justice for what amazing metal they can produce. It got better with Gone Forever, but I think it is truly this album that brings out the flat out, heart pumping yet melodic thrash metal they can achieve. Whilst Reject the Sickness (1999) made them seem like a same-old type band, this album shows the real potential in progressive thrash. The riffs blend with insane drum patterns effortlessly, while Byron Davis' gut-wrenching screams complement guitarist Doc Coyle's singing to create 10 tracks of showing what metal is meant to be.

In addition to this, this is coming from someone who usually finds thrash boring and uncreative. While I still leave two tracks from this album to the die-hard thrash fans ('Into The Wasteland' and 'Under This Flag') the rest I find exactly what I love in metal: pure bona fide anger in a can yet combined with harmonies and well-constructed instrumental sections which you could listen to for hours. The first track 'End of the World' is one of the three singles released from this album and is definitely one of the best. It shows GF's pure talent for weaving riffs together to make serious headbanging shit. 'Chains of Humanity', another single has undoubtedly the best chorus in the entire album, and 'Lonely Dead' making up for it's slight letdown during verse with two minutes of stunning instrumental at both the beginning and end of the song, including an unusual piano interlude to finish it off. The song also has the best 'Forbid riff yet in my opinion. The album takes a sudden twist with 'Welcome To The Apocolypse', an unexpected tone down with a slow, emotional skit describing freedom being an act of treason in post-apocolyptic USA.


I giving this 5/5 without looking back. If it is bought with the DVD as well, it is worth every penny, as it provides not only an outstanding piece of seriously good metal but also an inspiring record for anyone starting to play metal guitar, drums or bass. Without a doubt one of the best albums I have heard.